Our sweet Stella passed away at home on Monday night. We went up north and had an awesome weekend everyone loved her up and she was eating pretty good. She just chilled and got loved. Monday morning after everyone left her breathing became slightly labored. We drove home and put her in bed, she wouldn't eat and l knew she was near the end. l laid in bed with her for hours telling her how rich she made my life, and what a special dog she is, l talked about all the great things we did together and how she was the sweet spot in my life and that it's ok to go to her sissy. l kissed her goodbye and told her l love her. Todd stayed up in the spare room with her and l took Agnes down to our bed. Around midnight he came down and said ..did you just call for me? l said no and he said, our girl is gone. l asked him if she was wrapped up and safe and he said she is so safe. And you guys, l slept. l actually slept peacefully.
l woke up in the morning and l was crying a little and Agnes licked my tears. Todd took her to the vet first thing, l didn't want to see her. l already had my special time with her.
Luckily l had that day off and l was just wasted. lt felt like a nightmare, l kept thinking, l have to get Stellie up for food and a shot, l should take Stellie out to potty, l should go to the market and get her green beans, and every time l realized she was gone, it was like someone punched me in the stomach and l would just bury my face and cry that guttural cry. And then l was ok. Because l know her quality of life was waning, and we were not treating her we were just making her comfortable, and she freakin' missed her sis to the point it almost killed her. She was staying alive for us and fighting the good fight for us, and my brave baby just couldn't do it any more. She was diabetic, and tumors were growing on her stomach and she was arthritic. She was tired.
l am no longer waiting for the other shoe to drop, and l know she is no longer in pain, but she is not in a better place, we were her best place and that's what makes it so sad. l want my little family back so bad, but l know that's impossible and now I have to focus on Aggie, and give her a sweet life.
This had been a fucked few months.
Here's a pic we took at the cottage the night before she passed. Rest easy my sweet angel.